Recognizing the Domestic Church - Evangelii Gaudium Reflection #2

From the earliest Christian times the families of baptized believers were thought of as forming an ecclesial as well as social reality that was a sign of God’s love in the world. New Testament Christians experienced the Church in their own households, baptizing their children and other household members (Acts 11:13 ff.; 16:15; 16:33; 1 Cor. 1:16) and worshipping together in their homes (Acts 2:46a; Acts 12:12; Acts 16:40; Rom. 16:3, 5; Philem. v.1-2).[1] Although St. John Chrysostom did not use the term “domestic church,” he stressed that the family’s mission is to be a force in society to cultivate the kingdom of God. He expected that raising Christian children would be a priority for parents who took their faith seriously. Chrysostom explained his expectations for the work of the Christian home this way: “When we teach our children to be gentle, to be forgiving, to be generous, and to love their fellow men…we instill virtue in their souls and reveal the image of God within them.”[2]

The Christian Family is called a “Domestic Church” in Vatican II's The Dogmatic Constitution on the Church (Lumen Gentium): “In it parents should, by their word and example, be the first preachers of the faith to their children; they should encourage them in the vocation which is proper to each of them, fostering with special care vocation to a sacred state.”[3] St. John Paul II’s numerous audiences and apostolic exhortations have guided Catholic teaching in this area.[4] The Catechism of the Catholic Church also speaks of the Domestic Church in which “the father of the family, the mother, children, and all members of the family exercise the priesthood of the baptized in a privileged way” (CCC 1657).  

In the Catholic vision of the family, Christian marriage forms the foundation of the Domestic Church, a sacramental reflection of God’s love and a school of prayer, forgiveness, and charity. However, ministry to the family would be severely limited if we narrowly defined the Domestic Church as the married couple and their children. Among couples who have been married in Church and are deeply involved in parish life, there will be some who have not been touched by the joy of the Gospel. Many families are privately experiencing unhappiness, conflict, and even abuse. The ideal of the “Domestic Church” is somewhat like the ideal of the Church Universal as the “Spotless Bride of Christ” (CCC 796). Just as the greater Church struggles to live up to this noble calling, so do families. As the U.S. Bishops said in their pastoral letter, Follow the Way of Love, “But remember, a family is holy not because it is perfect but because God's grace is at work in it, helping it to set out anew everyday on the way of love.”[5]

[1] Theresa Doyle-Nelson, “House Churches in the New Testament,” St. Anthony Messenger website. http://www.americancatholic.org/Messenger/Jul2008/Feature2.asp. (accessed August 14, 2011).

[2]John Chrysostom, “Homily on Ephesians,” in St. John Chrysostom, On Marriage and Family, trans. Catherine Roth and David Anderson, (Crestwood, NY: St. Vladimir’s Seminary Press, 1986), 71.

[3] Pope Paul VI, Dogmatic Constitution on the Church, Lumen Gentium, Vatican II, 1964, http://www.vatican.va/archive/hist_councils/ii_vatican_council/documents/vat-ii_const_19641121_lumen-gentium_en.html

[4] Pope John Paul II, Apostolic Exhortation, On the Role of the Christian Family in the Modern World, Familiaris Consortio, 1981,  http://w2.vatican.va/content/john-paul-ii/en/apost_exhortations/documents/hf_jp-ii_exh_19811122_familiaris-consortio.html

[5] USCCB, Follow the Way of Love, ibid.

Marriage Enrichment Project - Tapping Marriage Mentors

Many neighborhoods are blessed to have a married couple on the block that are the true “community makers.” This is the couple that everyone counts on to generate enthusiasm for the block party or to be the first to make a welcoming visit to new arrivals. When this special couple also happens to be Christians, their positive influence gives the Church a good name. People seek their opinion on moral questions or ask them to pray for their loved ones. They seem to enjoy working together in the yard and on church projects. Their dinner table always has room for another teenager. In such a couple, people witness the natural and supernatural dimensions of marriage, in the flesh.

For discussion:
1.    Think of a couple whose marriage you admire. Why do you admire them? What would you say are their best qualities? Do they have any weaknesses or flaws that you notice?
2.    What seems to make a marriage strong, despite the flaws of the spouses?
3.    In what ways can your marriage become a gift to other people, not only to one another?
4.    What practical steps could you take to extend encouragement or support to another couple that is struggling?
5.    What signs do you see that the love of a husband and wife benefits society? 
 

Your Marriage - "Spouses as Change Agents"

They say that when a man marries a woman, he thinks, “She’s the one I’ve been waiting for.  She’ll never change.” – and she always does.  And a woman looks at her man, and thinks, “He just needs a little work; after we’re married, I’ll help him change” – and he never does.  
The truth is that both men and women will change as time goes on:  

Biologists tell us that every seven years we have totally replaced all the cells in our bodies with new ones.  Our ideas, politics, interests have evolved over the years.  While research shows that personality tendencies (like introversion/extroversion) remain fairly constant throughout our adult lives, we still do change. Personal change and growth can become issues in marriage because we develop at different rates.  We hope our spouses will change for the better: become more patient; stop unhealthy habits; spend more time with the family; work less – or more; go to church more – or less, talk more – or less.  We are all works in progress.

Change sometimes doesn’t happen fast enough to suit us.  Your beloved may be oblivious to your dissatisfaction.  If he or she doesn’t realize their need to change something, a loving spouse can gently ask for change.   However, nagging, cajoling, and arguing get us nowhere and can make us even more miserable.  Successful couples recognize that the only person you can change is yourself.

Enlist your spouse as your partner in self-change.  When we are willing to change some behavior, to tell our spouses about our plan to change, and enlist their support in changing, energy for marital growth can be ignited in our marriages.  Our spouses, no matter what personal faults or issues they may have, will appreciate our efforts (They’ve been hoping we would!). 

What if your self-change strategy doesn’t light a fire under your spouse?  Despite your hopes and personal improvement efforts, he or she is resistant to or unable to change.  This is where the most powerful – and paradoxical – tool of marital change is at your service:  Acceptance.  When partners show each other love and acceptance they respond quicker to each other’s changes.  
Be ready to support any effort your spouse makes toward change, no matter how tentative or incomplete that effort is.  If he or she discloses a desire to change, be ready to help and not hinder the process. It may be that professional help is in order, but your role as helpmate is indispensable.  You are the one who loves your spouse the most.
 

Form a Habit of Praying for Families

A fine Catholic tradition is praying over an extended time, like the nine-day prayer campaign, the Novena. After nine days, you will find a habit beginning to form. Pray for your family and others with this "Novena to the Holy Spirit for Families," originally created for Catholics For Family Peace.

Novena to the Holy Spirit for Family Peace

First Day

Come, Holy Spirit, Lord of Life, bless us and grant us the grace of loving our families, as Jesus calls us to do, and help us to build peace in our hearts and in our homes.

Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be…

O Holy Spirit, we ask in particular this special favor:

Second Day

Come, Spirit of Right Judgment, bless us and grant us the grace of peacefully resolving conflicts that arise in our families through patient dialogue that leads to understanding and renewal of love.

Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be…

O Holy Spirit, we ask in particular this special favor:

Third Day

Come, Spirit of Knowledge, bless us and grant us the grace of loving the Church and finding in her a sure guide for truth and service to God’s will, especially in our relationships at home and in our extended families.

Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be…

O Holy Spirit, we ask in particular this special favor:

Fourth Day

Come, O Comforter, bless us and grant us the grace of recognizing and responding with love when others are in need or are suffering from injustice or abuse.  May we be ready to help them find safety and shelter.

Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be…

O Holy Spirit, we ask in particular this special favor:

Fifth Day

Come,  Spirit of Wisdom, bless us and grant us the grace of conforming our lives fully to God’s holy Word, so that we may have compassion on one another, especially those who are poor, lonely, or afraid.

Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be…

O Holy Spirit, we ask in particular this special favor:

Sixth Day

Come, O Spirit of Understanding, and enlighten the minds of parents and grandparents, so that they may have patience with children and with one another in the daily challenges of family living.

Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be…

O Holy Spirit, we ask in particular this special favor:

Seventh Day

Come, Spirit of Piety, and bless all children and young people to withstand the temptations that lead them away from a holy and happy life. May they have good examples in their homes, schools, and society, and become true witnesses to the love of God in the world.

Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be…

O Holy Spirit, we ask in particular this special favor:

Eighth Day

Come, O Spirit of Fortitude, and strengthen all those who are married or contemplating marriage, and encourage them in their vocation of service to the community. Strengthen also those who are separated and divorced, to have courage and remain in your care. Lead them to a future filled with hope.

Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be…

O Holy Spirit, we ask in particular this special favor:

Ninth Day

Come, Holy Spirit, bless us and grant us the grace to always work for justice for the most vulnerable in our society.  You know our joys and our sorrows. May the prayers we offer bless our relationships and lead us to your peace.

Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be…

O Holy Spirit, we ask in particular this special favor:

-         Lauri Przybysz, D.Min. www.familyministryresources.com

Visit Catholics For Family Peace, www.catholicsforfamilypeace.org, for more prayers for families experiencing conflict. 

We Cannot Remain on the Sidelines

With all the political turmoil today, have you felt tempted to just stay out of it? 

Pope Francis, quoting Pope Benedict XVI, says “If indeed ‘the just ordering of society and of the state is a central responsibility of politics,’ the Church ‘cannot and must not remain on the sidelines in the fight for justice.’” Because we are Christians, we must try to make a positive difference in the world.

We are part of a faith community with profound teachings that help us consider challenges in public life, contribute to greater justice and peace for all people, and evaluate policy positions, party platforms, and candidates’ promises and actions in light of the Gospel in order to help build a better world.

Your family can join with others around the world to pursue peace, protect human rights and religious liberty, and advance economic justice and care for creation. Even young children can take part in positive actions that help other people and share the joy of the Gospel.

The Christian Family Movement www.cfm.org has helped our family integrate the call to mission through our efforts to pray, reach out, learn, and act together.  Our kids grew up in CFM and got involved in this movement when they became parents themselves. Being part of the CFM small-group network has taught us how to take action, in family-friendly ways.

Pope Francis said, "We need to participate for the common good. Sometimes we hear: a good Catholic is not interested in politics. This is not true: good Catholics immerse themselves in politics by offering the best of themselves so that the leader can govern." - Pope Francis, 9/16/13.

In light of ethical principles, the US Catholic bishops – in their document, Forming Consciences for Faithful Citizenship http://www.usccb.org/issues-and-action/faithful-citizenship/ -- offer the following policy goals that can guide us as we form our consciences and reflect on the moral dimensions of our public choices.

Even More Ideas for Homemade Spirituality

“Practice makes perfect,” my mother said. Recently, Homemade Disciples has explored a family friendly approach to spiritual growth.  Here are some more modern twists on ancient practices that draw us closer to God and toward deeper, more life-giving relationships.  Let’s consider how busy parents and those caring for others can practice Prayer, Reconciliation, and Journaling in real life.

Can you think of other practical applications?

PRAYER & GRATITUDE - Often we are overwhelmed by the kindness of others, including God, and those times are some of the best to offer up a prayer of gratitude to God.

·         Create and pray a special grace before meals.

·         Share one prayer intention for your partner to pray before he sleeps.

·         Say the rosary together at the start of a car trip.

·         Make a running list of what you are thankful for.

·         Sign up for email prompts for daily prayer.

·         Learn about each other’s religion; visit each other’s churches.

·         Create decorations for the current holiday season and display them.

·         Engaged and dating couples, hold hands and pray evening prayer before going home.

·         Meet friends for a walk at dawn; greet the new day with gratitude.

RECONCILITION - Reconciliation is the end of the estrangement, caused by original sin, between God and humanity.

o   Practice active listening. Make sure you are hearing what the other is saying and that he is hearing you.

o   Identify one strength of your family of origin; forgive one weakness. 

o   When you are wrong, say, “I’m sorry; please forgive me.”

o   When you are right, don’t gloat.

o   Celebrate the Sacrament of Reconciliation

JOURNALING – A journal is a helpful way of keeping up with our spiritual journey. A spiritual journal is different from a regular journal. It is a written record of personal reactions on spiritual matters.

o   Write letters and email thoughts.

o   Start a photo album for a visual journal or make video. Why use only words?

o   Learn more about Spiritual Journaling from Michael A. Haywood’s excellent article at http://home.earthlink.net/~haywoodm/SpiritualJournal.html

Spiritual Disciplines for Better Family Relationships

To learn to love as God loves, you must practice. Over the centuries, Christians have learned that certain practices or disciplines help them keep the spiritual channels open and help keep the heart turned toward God. A “spiritual discipline” is a habit or regular pattern in your life that repeatedly brings you back to God and opens you up to growth.  In the monastery, novices spend many years cultivating the qualities needed for their vocations, practicing spiritual disciplines of awareness and self-denial.  

Here are some modern twists on ancient practices that draw us closer to God and toward deeper, more life-giving relationships.  Can you think of other practical applications?

PILGRIMAGE - Pilgrimage is a way God gives us to answer that yearning to physically travel to discover God and the truths about ourselves.
•    Visit your childhood home, school, or playground. 
•    Spend time with elder relatives and hear their stories.  
•    Explore your local cathedral or shrine. 
•    In this Year of Mercy, go through the Holy Door at your local shrine.

FASTING – Fasting is about doing without what are ordinarily necessities to us. Fasting is a means of getting our minds back on the reality that we are not self-sufficient.
•    Give up needing to have the last word.  
•    Eat simple meals this week, mindful of those who are hungry. Donate to your local food bank.
•    Change an unhealthy habit, (i.e., swearing, smoking, credit buying, or abusing drugs or alcohol. 
•    Married couples, turn off the TV or computer one hour early and go to bed for a massage.

HOSPITALITY - In the ancient world the practice of hospitality meant graciously receiving an alienated person into one's land, home, or community and providing directly for that person's needs.
•    Invite a friend to share a simple meal. 
•    Welcome the new person in the office or a new neighbor.
•    Greet people politely in public places with the surprise of courtesy. 
•    Engaged and dating couples, include others in your recreation time. 
•    Married couples, make your bedroom inviting.

Coming soon: Check back in a few days for Part 2.

Showing the Way #2: Edith Stein, Affirming Human Dignity When Evil is in Power

Edith Stein was a pioneer in encouraging women to become involved in both the family and professional and political life. Who are the women in your life and community that are witnesses for the Gospel? 

Edith was born to a Jewish family at Breslau on October 12, 1891, but she declared herself to be an atheist in her early teens. Through her passionate study of philosophy she searched after truth and found it in reading the autobiography of St. Teresa of Jesus. In 1922 she was baptized a Catholic, though she honored her mother’s Jewish heritage throughout her life. A woman of singular intelligence and learning, she left behind a body of writing notable for its doctrinal richness and profound spirituality. In her writings, Edith Stein affirmed the dignity of women, and encouraged every woman to seek to live out in her own life and circumstances the ideal of true womanhood.  In 1933 she entered the Carmel of Cologne where she took the name Teresa Benedicta of the Cross. During the Nazi persecution, she was arrested with others of Jewish heritage and gassed at Auschwitz on August 9, 1942, offering up her sufferings for the people of Israel. She was beatified by Pope John Paul II at Cologne on May 1, 1987.
•    The Catholic bishops of the United States offer guidance for us to act in today's politically confusing times in Forming Consciences for Faithful Citizenship, the teaching document on the political responsibility of Catholics. This statement represents guidance for Catholics in the exercise of their rights and duties as participants in our democracy. 
•    How has your own family heritage prepared you to recognize the dignity of every person? Who influenced you to become a more generous and compassionate person?

Showing the Way - Stories of Witnesses Who Inspire: #1 Fr. Walter Cisek

Do you live or work in a situation in which it is difficult to express your faith openly, what can you do quietly to be a witness to Christ? You and your family should get to know about Walter Cisek. 

Fr. Walter Ciseck is known for his clandestine missionary work in the Soviet Union between 1939 and 1963. This American-born Jesuit priest was sent to minister to the faithful in Poland in the late 1930. When the Soviet Army overran Eastern Poland, Fr. Ciszek fled with other Polish refugees into the Soviet Union, hoping to serve them (in disguise) as a priest.  In June 1941, he was arrested by the Soviet secret police as a suspected spy. He spent five years in Moscow's infamous Lubianka prison and then 15 years in Siberia. In addition to his forced labor, he served as priest to his fellow prisoners, risking his life to offer counseling, hear confessions, and celebrating Mass. He was finally freed in a prisoner exchange and returned home to Pennsylvania, where he wrote two books about his experiences before his death in 1984. Fr. Cisek said that he learned to trust God’s will: “No danger could threaten me, no fear could shake me, except the fear of losing sight of Him.” His cause for canonization is proceeding.

•    Fr. Cisek risked his life to bring the sacraments to his fellow prisoners. What do the sacraments mean to you? Reflect on the gift you have to receive the sacraments freely.
•    If you live or work in a situation in which it is difficult to express your faith openly, what can you do quietly to be a witness to Christ?
•    Fr. Cisek discovered that every circumstance and event in his life – both positive and negative -- revealed God’s will for him. What is God showing you in your own state in life and present situation?

Lent is Prime Time to Reconcile at Home

During Lent, the Church invites us to make the journey inward and be truthful with ourselves about how we behave and what kind of person we want to be. At home with our families, it is especially hard to pretend to be what we are not.  We will travel the weeks of Lent, and our destination is God.  Our path is transformation to be better lovers, better parents, better friends. Lent is a gift to us--Lent keeps it real.  It is the grace of God that keeps us in the direction of our desire and goal.  We trust God to be gentle with us; may we be gentle with each other. 

Lent can be a good time to have a family meeting to grow in mercy and be more forgiving. With your family, or with a few friends, try this Family Meeting of Reconciliation and Forgiveness. 

If you enjoy this experience, you can find more meeting plans from the Christian Family Movement.

Keep the Year Holy at Home

                              
Spirituality is a journey taken one step at a time.  You never know--some of these ideas may become habits you’ll carry into the next year, and many more to come.  Here are some suggestions for growing in holiness throughout the year.
•    Cultivate a sense of gratitude. Greet each child with a smile in the morning, thanking God aloud for the gift that a child is.  Summer offers innumerable examples of the glory and abundance of God’s creative genius.  Recognize the wonder of a sprouting seed and the beauty of full bloom. Model for your children an appreciation of God’s gifts.
•    Rededicate yourselves to mealtime prayer. Whether it’s a picnic at the park or hotdogs on the run, begin with bowed heads and thanksgiving. Light a candle.  (A citronella candle can do double duty: God is present; bugs aren’t!)  Your prayer can be a simple ritual like holding hands, saying “Thank you, God” together and blowing out the candle can be a graced moment for your family.
•    Commit to Sunday Mass even when traveling. This speaks powerfully to your children about the centrality of your faith. Your family trouping into church as vacation visitors also gives a witness to the regular parishioners.
•    Extend your family circle. Whether it’s the new child on the block or the elderly neighbor you don’t see all winter, summer is the perfect time to reach out and include them.  Don’t fuss about making special plans; just invite others to join whatever you’re already doing.
•    Serve others. Teens can shovel snow or mow lawns; gradeschoolers can walk dogs or pick up mail.  Kids are often more than willing to do chores for someone else than to do them at home.  Volunteer service works wonders for boredom.  Older teens may even be able to volunteer for a week away from home in programs helping disadvantaged children or underprivileged communities.

Families Encounter Jesus in Their Own Stories

Over the Christmas holidays, we visited with family from far and near. We gathered around the festive table and reminisced about the past year, and even retold old stories that we always tell when we come together. We tell the stories that make us laugh and the stories of love that make our eyes moist when we tell them again. We don’t have them written down; we know them by heart.

Stories teach us life has a shape. Life has beginnings, endings, turns, returns.  Life has ups and downs, losses and triumphs. Stories teach us that there is hope, even when things look dark and hopeless.

What were some of your favorite stories when you were a child? Can you tell why you liked those ones?

Christ is at work in the events and struggles of daily family life. Our religious heritage is founded on the power of story. Bible came from stories told and retold orally. If you had to pick a favorite bible story, what would it be? Why is it a favorite?

If we want to pass on our complete faith to our children, we must work to make these stories part of their lives.

Telling bible stories in your own words - Some tips:

1.            Know the story yourself. Show resource books.

2.            Set a time to tell stories, a “campfire” time.

3.            Be expressive, dramatic.

4.            Search out the fuller meaning of the Sunday readings and share with the family in the car or over breakfast.

5.            Get some good books of Bible stories.  I love this book by Archbishop Desmond Tutu.

6.            Don’t be afraid to retell stories in your own words.

7.            Be selective. Not all stories should be retold to children (use your own judgment).

8.            Deepen your own understanding and love of Scripture. I recommend the Catholic Study Bible.

Mary, Help Us Be a Light

On this feast of the Immaculate Conception, we recall how God perfected Mary from the very beginning, so that Christ could grow in her. Now, as are another week closer to the celebration of Christmas, we  pray to grow in family love so that our light will shine so brightly that we will light the way to Christ for others. We pray to Mary to help us truly see the light shining in the darkness. 

Family Advent Activity: Turn off the lights in the house. Talk about how we can change darkness into light by the good things we do for each other. Hold hands and make a tour of your house. As you move from room to room turn on the light and talk about what someone does in each room to light up other’s lives—what someone does in the family room that light up other’s lives, what someone does in the kitchen, etc. Light each room with a prayer for a special intention—a prayer for peace, a prayer for hope, a prayer for love, a prayer for joy, or a prayer for the needy.